


I Like Us Better When We're Wasted

by hanwritesstuff (hannahkannao)



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, Gen, Karausno at nationals, M/M, Post-Canon, but instead of rise it's oikawa, it's like the part in persona 4 where they go to the club and rise gets fake drunk, mattsun makki and tendou are meme trash buddies, mentions of underage drinking but nothing happens, oikawa is the amy poehler cool mom in mean girls, technically for now, ushijima wakatoshi deserved better
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-30
Updated: 2016-08-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 15:05:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,908
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7623394
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hannahkannao/pseuds/hanwritesstuff
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>“Do you secretly hate me -” Oikawa stops dead in his tracks, narrowing his eyes. “You two have to hate me to pull something like this.”</i>
  <br/>
  <i>“Don’t be silly, Oikawa, we love you.” Matsukawa grins.</i>
  <br/>
  <i>“Not as much as Iwaizumi does, but we still love you.” Hanamaki fist-bumps Matsukawa without even looking, and Iwaizumi disowns every part of him that thought this was a good idea.</i>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry for not publishing anything all summer, have an unedited crackfest I wrote in an hour and twenty minutes!

“Iwa-chan, this house is a mess.”

“What, you’re surprised?” Iwaizumi chuckles, chucking a pillow in the general direction of Oikawa’s face. “Put that away for me, would you?”

Oikawa scoffs, setting the pillow down on the floor, right on top of the rest of the stack. “Mean, Iwa-chan!”

“This entire thing was your idea, you’ve got to put in at least some of the work.”

“Yeah, but your TV is bigger,” Oikawa whines.

“I bought the food!”

“I’m broke!”

“Whatever.” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes with a sigh. “Everyone’s supposed to get there in a few minutes, go to the door and greet everyone if you care so much about your stupid party.”

“It’s not _stupid_.” Oikawa grins mockingly. “It’s brilliant.”

The doorbell cuts through their arguing with a loud but monotonous _ding-dong_ and Oikawa shoots straight up as he races for the door, stopping to look through the window at whoever’s standing on the doorstep. “It’s Kunimi-chan!”

“Great, let him in.” Iwaizumi, at his mom’s request, is still dusting the cabinet the TV sits on top of.

“Kindaichi’s with him!”

“Oikawa, for the love of -”

“Okay, Iwa-chan, you don’t have to be so stingy!” Oikawa opens the door, starting a loud and mostly one-sided conversation with the two first-years as they walk in. After spending far too long in the entryway, he leads them into the living room, where they awkwardly sit down in the corner.

“Um, Oikawa-san?” Kindaichi asks.

“Yes?”

“Is there going to be any... alcohol at this party?”

“Well...”

“Hell no.” Iwaizumi cuts in before Oikawa can say something stupid. “We’re not -”

“We have a plan, don’t worry about it!” Oikawa winks at Kindaichi before walking to the fridge to grab a glass of water. “We’re just waiting for everyone else to get here.”

“Um, okay...” Kindaichi shares a look with Kunimi before he falls silent, just as unable to deal with Oikawa’s madness as Iwaizumi is.

“Hey, Iwa-chan, can you put on some music?” Oikawa asks from the kitchen. “It’s too quiet in there!”

“Yeah, sure!” Iwaizumi shouts back, putting his phone on the cabinet and pressing

shuffle once he gets to his music library. Of course, it’s some stupid pop song he downloaded two years ago, but Oikawa probably won’t complain about it.

The doorbell rings a few more times, and as Iwaizumi’s living room fills up, he’s tempted to put something on the TV just to make everything less awkward. It makes him uncomfortable to see his entire team sitting there with nothing to do but stare at him since he’s the closest one to it.

“Who’s missing?” A few minutes later, Oikawa finally reenters the living room - Iwaizumi’s not sure what he was doing, he’d better not have been adding booze to the sodas - and looks around before his eyes narrow with a scowl. “Of _course_ Makki and Mattsun aren’t here.”

Watari whispers something to Yahaba, who lets out a chortle and shoves Watari’s shoulder.

“They didn’t even text me...” Oikawa mutters, putting his phone back in his pocket. “They’ve got some nerve, showing up late to a volleyball party.” He looks up at everyone else with a trademark smile. “Thank you all for coming!”

“Oikawa-san, what is this?” Yahaba asks.

“I’m glad you asked!” Oikawa holds up a finger. “As I’m sure you’re all aware, our lovely kinda-rivals Karasuno ended up making it to nationals, so it’s our duty to support them, even if it’s from Iwa-chan’s living room.”

The room suddenly bursts with nervous chatter and even a clearly dejected sigh from Kyoutani. Kunimi looks even more disinterested than he usually does, and Yahaba and Kindaichi both have disgruntled scowls on their faces.

“But but but!” Oikawa grins. “I wouldn’t make you all sit through this living hell without some fun, right?”

The chatter only gets louder.

“We’re going to be having a Karasuno-at-nationals drinking game!”

“I thought you said there wasn’t going to be alcohol!”

“There isn’t.” Iwaizumi crosses his arms from where he’s sitting. “Oikawa wanted it, but he didn’t buy the drinks, so I’m using caffeine as a substitute.”

“Iwaizumi-san, have you ever seen Oikawa drunk?” Watari asks.

“Nope.” Iwaizumi shakes his head.

“Apparently...” Oikawa shoots a quick glare at Iwaizumi before he continues. “We have Coke, Mountain Dew, and Red Bull for you all to choose from, all of which are disgusting, which should motivate you for next year.”

“And how is this going to work?” Kunimi asks. “Do we just take a shot whenever you say so or -”

“Don’t worry, Kunimi-chan, I have this all planned out!” Oikawa takes a piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolds it. “The official rules are on this piece of paper in case you need a reference, but here’s how it goes.” He stares everyone else down like a teacher in the middle of a lecture. “Take a shot every time Tobio-chan and Chibi-chan use the weird quick. Take a shot when glasses kid blocks anything. Take a shot whenever libero kid or the captain makes an impressive receive. Take two shots whenever the other team blocks the quick. Finish your drink when Mr. Refreshing or float serve kid is brought in or the set ends. It’s not a lot, but you’ll be surprised.”

“We really won’t.” Yahaba narrows his eyes. “We’ve played them twice -”

“You will!” Oikawa brushes Yahaba’s comment off with a flip of his hair as he turns back to Iwaizumi. “Iwa-chan, turn on the TV. I’ll get the drinks.”

“Got it.” Iwaizumi takes the remote off the cabinet and turns it on to the right channel, which is currently playing a commercial.

The doorbell rings again.

“Crap!” Oikawa leans his head out the kitchen doorway. “Iwa-chan, can you take care of the drinks?”

“Make up your mind already.” Iwaizumi sighs as he stands up, making his way through the rest of the team to get to the kitchen just as Oikawa leaves.

“I’m coming!” Oikawa eagerly opens the door with a wide grin before it quickly fades to a scowl. “Makki, Mattsun?”

“Yes?” The two voices on the other end of the door are perfectly in sync and sound more mischievous than ever, neither of which traditionally lead to anything good.

“...What the fuck?”

“Oikawa-san, watch your potty mouth!” Yahaba shouts from the living room just as Iwaizumi’s about to call him out on the same thing.

“Come on, Oikawa!” The voice from outside the door is neither Matsukawa’s or Hanamaki’s, and it has Iwaizumi worried. "The more the merrier, right?"

“You’re not even supposed to be here!”

“Oikawa-san, what happened?” Kindaichi asks.  

“Matsukawa Issei and Hanamaki Takahiro...” Oikawa turns around and faces his team with a pained grin. “...Invited the Shiratorizawa Academy volleyball team to our party.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter has even less effort put into it than the last one. I didn't know that was possible.

“Well, they’re already here.” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes yet again. “Let them in.”

“What, we thought it would be fun!” Hanamaki laughs as he takes off his shoes and takes a seat in the living room next to everyone else. “Don’t look so  _ offended _ , Oikawa.”

“Do you secretly hate me -” Oikawa stops dead in his tracks, narrowing his eyes. “You two have to hate me to pull something like this.”

“Don’t be silly, Oikawa, we love you.” Matsukawa grins.

“Not as much as Iwaizumi does, but we still love you.” Hanamaki fist-bumps Matsukawa without even looking, and Iwaizumi disowns every part of him that thought this was a good idea.

The two saboteurs take a seat near the second-years, nearly-angelic grins on their faces as if they’re the most innocent people in the world.

“Okay.” Oikawa sucks in a breath before regaining his composure as he looks out at everyone standing on Iwaizumi’s doorstep. “Everyone introduce yourself as you walk in and find a place to sit. We weren’t expecting that many people, so it might be a bit crowded.”

“All right.” That voice is completely unmistakable. “I’m -”

“Everyone already knows who you are, Ushiwaka-chan.”

“So what?” Tendou Satori’s red hair and twisted grin instantly bring a new reckless feeling into Iwaizumi’s house. “You told everyone to introduce themselves.”

“Shut up, Tendou.” Oikawa rolls his eyes.

Tendou sticks his tongue out at him before turning to everyone else. “Hey, I’m Tendou Satori, thanks for having me.”

“Everyone already knows who you are, too.” 

“Oikawa, chill.” Tendou laughs before turning around. “Come on, you guys, Oikawa is all bark and no bite.”

“Hey -!”

“He’s right.” Iwaizumi shrugs.

“Iwa-chan, you’re supposed to be  _ defending  _ me!” Oikawa puts his hands on his hips and pouts. “This is your house!”

“I trust that they have at least enough dignity not to trash it.” Iwaizumi narrows his eyes in Tendou’s direction. “Right?”

“Right!” Tendou playfully rolls his eyes as he takes a seat on the other side of Hanamaki. “You’re getting all worked up for no reason!”

Oikawa stands there for a second, looking like he’s been slapped in the face, before he sighs, plopping down right next to Kunimi. “Go ahead.”

Everyone slowly files into the house, starting with Semi - Iwaizumi’s talked to him once - and ending with Kawanishi - Iwaizumi isn’t quite sure about his name. The room is noticeably more crowded once everyone gets inside, and he’s surprised Oikawa isn’t gushing at how homey it all feels how.

Wait, he knows exactly why.

“Well, now that we’re all here...” Oikawa gives his trademark smile through gritted teeth. “Welcome to Iwa-chan’s lovely abode! Tonight, as some of you may know, is Karasuno High School’s first nationals match, so we’re providing our own witty commentary to make it at least slightly interesting. Ask someone next to you for the drinking game rules.”

All the newcomers whisper to themselves, some excitedly, some apprehensively.

“There’s no alcohol, don’t worry!” Oikawa sits down with a chuckle. 

The whispering soon dies down. 

“Oi, Iwaizumi, what time is it?” Hanamaki asks. 

“6:03.” Iwaizumi quickly glances at his phone. “They haven’t even started playing yet.”

Matsukawa heaves a sigh of relief.

“Iwaizumi-san.” Kunimi calmly raises his hand. “You forgot the drinks.”

“Dammit!” Iwaizumi rolls his eyes and shuffles back into the kitchen. “Can someone help me with this?”

Watari and Kindaichi both shoot up and rush into the kitchen, helping organize the glasses - which Iwaizumi has to prepare twice as many of now. Whatever. 

A few minutes later, just as the commercial break ends, the three of them walk back into the living room, distributing drinks to everyone. 

Tendou takes his with a sniff and a scowl. “Is this Mountain Dew?”

“I wasn’t going to bring alcohol into my house, what would my mom think?” Iwaizumi sits down next to Oikawa. 

“But Mountain Dew is disgusting!”

“It’ll disgust everyone enough into doing better next year, right?” Semi asks, turning around to stare at Shirabu, who happens to be sitting directly behind him. 

“Guys, the game’s on!” Oikawa interrupts, pointing hectically at the TV screen. The commentators’ intro has ended, and everyone watching at home finally gets a view of the court. It’s huge. 

There’s a tiny screeching sound. It seems like everyone can hear it but is just choosing to ignore it, and Iwaizumi has no idea why -

“Is that Hinata screaming?” Kunimi asks, like it’s completely normal. Which it is.

“Yes.” Kindaichi nods with an eye-roll that makes Iwaizumi feel very proud for some reason.

Matsukawa, Hanamaki, and Tendou launch into a surprisingly accurate rendition of LMFAO and Lil Jon’s “Shots” as everyone pauses to grimace before downing a gulp of Mountain Dew. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: [@violist-yamaguchi](http://violist-yamaguchi.tumblr.com)/[@hanwritesstuff](http://hanwritesstuff.tumblr.com)
> 
> I love Tendou Satori.

**Author's Note:**

> Find me on tumblr at [hanwritesstuff](http://hanwritesstuff.tumblr.com) or [violist-yamaguchi](http://violist-yamaguchi.tumblr.com)!


End file.
